“By Myself I have sworn, declares the LORD, because you have done this thing and have not withheld your son, your only son, indeed I will greatly bless you, and I will greatly multiply your seed as the stars of the heavens and as the sand which is on the seashore; and your seed shall possess the gate of their enemies. In your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice.”
I'm not an Abraham. I don't think that if God had asked me if He could take Zachery I could have said yes. I just don't think so...
But, he's gone and I have to live and walk and try to breathe because of the blessings He didn't take: Michael, Taylor, Madison. What choice is there? A wallowing, burying my head under a pillow, staying dead inside, numb, denying it all like I want to do? No. In heaven, Zachery wouldn't want that and certainly not God. But it hurts and it's hard.
Tomorrow, Zachery's in human history time birthday would count him as 14 years old. Full of memories flooding, my mind slowly travels back to his exit from the womb.
When he was born, a code blue cord neck wrap almost did him in. If that wasn't hard enough, as he slipped out of me, he slipped out of catching doctor hands. She recovered the fumble. Turning him, popping bottom, cries birdlike filling air, she doctor counted fingers, t
oes, and noted Zach's cord was tied in a knot. Michael not cutting - sawing working scissors back and forth until snip, and Zach was launched free into the world.
"A tied cord, a babe surviving it, this is what makes me," stutters out doctor baby dropper, "this is what makes me know there's a God." Zach came into the world code blue lights flashing, him living. He left the same way, lights flashing, him dying.
Birthdays...
"Tucks," "tucks" and more "tucks," their wheels rolling, dump tucks, firetucks, 18 wheeled tucks. That was the year the dirt cake dump tuck made an entry. Crushed oreo chocolate pudding mustaches worn all around. Zach smiled.
And then a year of monster truck discovery and request for monster truck cake. Crazy me wanna be artist set out to perform a miracle cake for the Chuckee Cheese day. Zachery smiled, ate, iced his face.
Camo
year at Jessie Jones park Zach wanted a tank. Molded melded modeled tank cake finished off with brownie wheeled treads and homemade army green icing. Camo clad Zach smiled.
Fishing birthday at Chain-O-Lakes, bowling celebration, family parties, family parties, family parties. Lots of Zach smiles.
Monster truck rally, ear plugs pushed purposefully into place, screams, crashes, Grave Digger upside down, dead for that day. No cake - cotton candy, Marble slab, candy bars, concession stand revolving door back and back and back up and down those stadium stairs ending in a sugar hangover, Zach smiling.
Lake birthdays. Skate party. Mountasia putt putt and go-carts. Our smiling Zach.
Laser tag melees. Sweating players, lurking in dark corners above us below us, aiming and Zach a laser hero. In that year, again the dirt cake. Still a dirt cake mustache, and Zach still smiling.
As time slipped away and Zach's year number grew, his parties grew up too. Airsoft XBox sleepovers with the boy clan. Again the dirt cake, less cake mustache - real man mu
stache waiting to sprout. Still our Zach smiled.
Now, for our 14 year old boy tomorrow, we will celebrate his Christian third eternal birthday. While we count years, eternity is counted by God. At birth, the womb exit, Zachery had his beginning - his first year in time and in eternity. His first birth.
Believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, the fixer of the fall mess, Zachery had his second eternal born again birthday in time and in eternity.
Septemb
er 13, 2011, history human life ended. For that moment, Zach smiling no longer. So much damage in such a minuscule amount of history time. Then eternity.
When the heaven doors opened and God's arms beckoned Zach, again and for eternity Zach smiled - no longer needing or wanting a cake, just the Christ feast. Finally forever, his third birth propelled him into eternity where he will live for always - human years now irrelevant.
This thinking way, this 3 birthday Christian birthday idea- born - born again - born into eternity - this 3 birthday lesson from my God gift mom, Marilyn-mom-in-law. I like this 3 birthdays idea. Simple, true.
One day, I who believe and Michael who believes and Taylor and Madison and all our family and royal God family who believe will Christ feast with Zach again. And I live for and long for that day living as alive as I can now. What a glorious day. To meet God, Emmanuel face to face and see Zach in His presence, at His table.
I'm tearful and comforted by the song JJ Heller melodies:
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands.
When my heart is breaking, I never leave His hand.
And that's Zach's eternal address - His hand.
I am not Abraham. If God had asked, I would not have said yes.
I wonder if there's dirt cake in Heaven...
I'm not an Abraham. I don't think that if God had asked me if He could take Zachery I could have said yes. I just don't think so...
But, he's gone and I have to live and walk and try to breathe because of the blessings He didn't take: Michael, Taylor, Madison. What choice is there? A wallowing, burying my head under a pillow, staying dead inside, numb, denying it all like I want to do? No. In heaven, Zachery wouldn't want that and certainly not God. But it hurts and it's hard.
Tomorrow, Zachery's in human history time birthday would count him as 14 years old. Full of memories flooding, my mind slowly travels back to his exit from the womb.When he was born, a code blue cord neck wrap almost did him in. If that wasn't hard enough, as he slipped out of me, he slipped out of catching doctor hands. She recovered the fumble. Turning him, popping bottom, cries birdlike filling air, she doctor counted fingers, t
oes, and noted Zach's cord was tied in a knot. Michael not cutting - sawing working scissors back and forth until snip, and Zach was launched free into the world."A tied cord, a babe surviving it, this is what makes me," stutters out doctor baby dropper, "this is what makes me know there's a God." Zach came into the world code blue lights flashing, him living. He left the same way, lights flashing, him dying.
Birthdays...
"Tucks," "tucks" and more "tucks," their wheels rolling, dump tucks, firetucks, 18 wheeled tucks. That was the year the dirt cake dump tuck made an entry. Crushed oreo chocolate pudding mustaches worn all around. Zach smiled.
And then a year of monster truck discovery and request for monster truck cake. Crazy me wanna be artist set out to perform a miracle cake for the Chuckee Cheese day. Zachery smiled, ate, iced his face.
Camo
year at Jessie Jones park Zach wanted a tank. Molded melded modeled tank cake finished off with brownie wheeled treads and homemade army green icing. Camo clad Zach smiled.Fishing birthday at Chain-O-Lakes, bowling celebration, family parties, family parties, family parties. Lots of Zach smiles.
Monster truck rally, ear plugs pushed purposefully into place, screams, crashes, Grave Digger upside down, dead for that day. No cake - cotton candy, Marble slab, candy bars, concession stand revolving door back and back and back up and down those stadium stairs ending in a sugar hangover, Zach smiling.
Lake birthdays. Skate party. Mountasia putt putt and go-carts. Our smiling Zach.
Laser tag melees. Sweating players, lurking in dark corners above us below us, aiming and Zach a laser hero. In that year, again the dirt cake. Still a dirt cake mustache, and Zach still smiling.
As time slipped away and Zach's year number grew, his parties grew up too. Airsoft XBox sleepovers with the boy clan. Again the dirt cake, less cake mustache - real man mu
stache waiting to sprout. Still our Zach smiled.Now, for our 14 year old boy tomorrow, we will celebrate his Christian third eternal birthday. While we count years, eternity is counted by God. At birth, the womb exit, Zachery had his beginning - his first year in time and in eternity. His first birth.
Believing on the Lord Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, the fixer of the fall mess, Zachery had his second eternal born again birthday in time and in eternity.
Septemb
er 13, 2011, history human life ended. For that moment, Zach smiling no longer. So much damage in such a minuscule amount of history time. Then eternity.When the heaven doors opened and God's arms beckoned Zach, again and for eternity Zach smiled - no longer needing or wanting a cake, just the Christ feast. Finally forever, his third birth propelled him into eternity where he will live for always - human years now irrelevant.
This thinking way, this 3 birthday Christian birthday idea- born - born again - born into eternity - this 3 birthday lesson from my God gift mom, Marilyn-mom-in-law. I like this 3 birthdays idea. Simple, true.
One day, I who believe and Michael who believes and Taylor and Madison and all our family and royal God family who believe will Christ feast with Zach again. And I live for and long for that day living as alive as I can now. What a glorious day. To meet God, Emmanuel face to face and see Zach in His presence, at His table.
I'm tearful and comforted by the song JJ Heller melodies:
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands.
When my heart is breaking, I never leave His hand.
And that's Zach's eternal address - His hand.
I am not Abraham. If God had asked, I would not have said yes.
I wonder if there's dirt cake in Heaven...
((((hugs and prayers)))) I'm almost positive there's dirt cake in heaven... with a butterfly flitting around it. Love you friend. Lots of prayers still showering on you and yours.
ReplyDeleteI bet there is.
ReplyDeleteFiretucks and monster tucks makes me laugh. What a great memory! And what a great gift to celebrate those birthdays together as a family. And what a greatest gift to have Jesus Christ!