Butterfly Chronicles Volume 76: I'd Tell the Truth

Every time I hear (and sadly I hear often) of another suicide, I ask God to tell me what He wants me to do.  Sometimes I feel like He's saying that I will have something to say someday.

I told my sister a while back that I'd never have anything to say because all I could say would be the truth.

It will never feel better.
You will never be the same.
It will never be easier.
It will only be different.
Your family won't ever be the same.
Your brain will never be the same.
It will always suck.

The only thing you can do is trust God and take another step.  And another. And BEG HIM to make it different - even if you don't believe your own prayers.

I thought I could never say those words to another person hit with a suicide.  Too much hard truth.

But the Zach Encounter (Butterfly Chronicles Volume 75) has changed everything.  Isn't that just like God...to take my never evers and make them into something new - something that only HE could make.

From the Zach encounter, HE gave me the words to say at the end of all those hard, true things.  Words that are also true.  So, now, I can say the truth.

It will never feel better. You will never be the same. It will never be easier. It will only be different. Your family won't ever be the same. Your brain will never be the same. It will always suck. The only thing you can do is to trust God and take another step.  And another. And BEG HIM to make it different - even if you don't even believe your own prayers.

And here are the new words I can say:

One day, after all those steps and prayers and begging Him, He will be swift, He will answer, and HE will give you a HOPE that you know is HIS gift.  You will just know.  HE is the HOPE.

I can tell all the truth because I can say at the end of all that hard, hard truth, that if you can grit your teeth, and drag yourself through the shattered glass of your broken heart to the throne of grace, and beg God for what you need, He will show Himself to BE the HOPE.

She won't believe me - that mother with the dead son.  I didn't when the mother of the dead daughter told me her story of getting to a place of hope.  Just because I didn't believe it, and another mother won't believe it, God won't stop making it true.

Maybe someday I will have something to say that someone somewhere will need to hear.  Maybe.

For now, it is enough to be filled with hope.

Zach, the butterflies give me hope.  I love you.