Butterfly Chronicles Volume 59: This Doesn't Feel Like Love

For the second time, I dreamed about Zach - a vivid, filled with real warm bodies kind of dream.  Crawling out of it at 5:00 am, I rushed downstairs to write it all down so I wouldn't forget - those precious dream moments with my son.  He hugged me hard.  I said, "I love you."  He said,  "I love you too."

Then he said with so much love I could taste it, "You' ll get here, it'll just be harder."  He meant heaven, and I knew that.  "It'll just be harder."

I'm a wuss.  He's right.  It's harder.  I don't want to be a light.  I don't want to be a witness.  I don't even want to leave my house.

Then, Zach's voice floats, painted in happiness; I feel him and see him saying, "You'll get here.  It'll just be harder."

Isn't that the best description of this life for all of us.  It'll be harder.  For all of us still in "The Fall,"  it'll be harder.


God, this is too hard.  This doesn't feel like love.

Zach said, "You'll get here.  It'll just be harder."

I love you, son.