Butterfly Chronicles Volume 57: Heart Holes and Hugs

                        The Lord is close to the brokenhearted 

 and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

It gets more difficult to write this blog as each day rolls by. Living in a world I can barely survive, I feel indulgent when talking about the pain as if the world needs to hear any more about it; I mean just look around.  How does it all get fixed? 

I already know the answer, but it is a heavy burden on a broken heart to see so much sad and bad and hate and too late in the world.

On October 10, I posted on Zach's FB wall and wrote I wish I could hug you.

The next night, I dreamed.  And there was my Zach.  Waiting for his hug. Not an I'm 13 so I'm wriggling out of it before it starts kind of hug.  No, this was a hug where he hugged me back as hard as I hugged him forward.

Then he hugged me again. Warm and full and arms wrapped all around me.

He smiled, kept smiling.  His smile like sun fingers caressing the cracks in my broken heart.

Today, lots of days, but not all days, I can't stop crying.

I never knew how big my heart was until his piece went missing. The hole is so big.

This isn't the way it is supposed to be.

I wish I could hug you, Zach.