Butterfly Chronicles Volume 36: Relationships

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.

Relationship.  That's what we're called to have.  Christ wants relationship not religion.  In living a different life without Zachery - living with his death, living a whole new family life - this has caused me to really, deeply contemplate my relationship with the Lord.  Before Zachery died, I was a Christian.  I believed.  I studied, read, learned, attended a Bible study church; my faith was strong.  But it was as strong as a cheap, wet paper napkin - and I didn't even know it.

It's funny how I kinda lived life thinking I was really something in the Lord.  Having studied and memorized many verses as a child, I could quote my Bible, tell the stories, share the Gospel, and "be" a Christian.  What I know now is that "being" a Christian isn't the same thing as being in a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Think about the hallmarks of remarkable relationships:  honor, integrity, trust, loyalty, honesty, steadfastness, kindness, caring, selflessness, love through thick and thin til death do us part.  Relationship.  I'm only now beginning to understand that idea - Christ wants relationship.  Before Zachery died, I didn't really comprehend the idea of complaining or yelling or screaming or laughing at or with God, with Jesus.  But isn't that relationship?  Aren't the best relationships those where we can bare our souls, hearts, hurts, scars, hilarity, joy, laughter til tears.  Isn't that relationship?

How did I miss that simple concept.  I won't put it tritely - Jesus doesn't want to be my friend.  He's the holy God, creator of the Universe - not my friend.  But He is my champion.  He is my Savior.  He is my grace.  He is who I can crawl to with my best and worse - I mean He already knows it all anyway - so why have I been slow to grow to know that He wants me to share it all with him - the good, the bad, the ugly - and so often what I need to share is bad and ugly. Yep, that's me.  That's honestly me and Lord, You already know.  So what did I miss and why didn't I talk and speak to you like we are in a real, tangible, loving relationship?  How did I not know how to pray and that prayer is conversation, truth, all of it - complaining, screaming, laughing, sharing, loving - all of it.

Relationship.  To have relationship, I have to trust, honor, be loyal and steadfast, cry out in joy, pain, love, hate, imperfection, scarred, brokenhearted, and laughing.  He wants it all.  Imagine that.  No matter what it is, He already knows.  His grace is ALREADY sufficient for me - even if I am just figuring out what that really means.

I read a poster on Pinterest the other day that said,

"Sometimes the things we can't change end up changing us." 

 Wow.  Truth.  Zach, I can't change.  And that has changed me.  It has changed my relationship with Him and with everyone else.  Every day the butterflies come.  Every day I realize that the more I know the Lord, the more inexaustible He becomes and the more humble I grow knowing that if I were to read and study, study and read God's word every second of every minute of every hour of every day for the rest of my life, I'd still be barely out of the "milk" stage.  Relationship.  Give it to Him.  He will carry the burden of all those things we can't change which change us.  Relationship.  Trust Him.  He knows already everything we wish He didn't know and He loves us anyway.  Imagine that.  The Holy God, creator of the universe, Savior - He loves us anyway.

Relationship.  He will give you rest.