Butterfly Chronicles: Volume 5-All Things?

12 Weeks, 4 days

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

So He knows His plans for me, I am to pray
without ceasing, and I am to do it in all circumstances.

It is so easy to give thanks for the good, the God who parts seas, crumbles walls, brings death back to life, and offers all of mankind a choice as to locale of his eternal address. It is so easy to give thanks for a boy who made us smile and hug and dream and grow and fill with joy; for a husband who shoulders the burdens of trying to work - take care of 3 women - get the house painted - remodeled - re carpeted for a mysterious future, who looks forward to a life where we feel better, and who constantly cradles me softly speaking of meeting Zach again when this bad dream will be forever over. It is easy to give thanks for daughters who live and love and laugh and blow life and love and laughter into the desert of our souls in spite of the brother who is missing but not lost.

And the rest?

How do I give thanks for the things that don't feel good?

LORD: Thank you that although I waited for the mention of Zach's name on Thanksgiving, it never came and everyone tiptoed around the white elephant in the room because none of us know normal anymore.

Thank you for the nightmare visions that play behind my eyes in the dark and shake me shivering as they pass by my eyes open and take me back to that night as if I’m there right now.

Thank you that we have no idea what to pray for.

Thank you that our hearts are broken.

Thank you that somehow someway someday we might see how you are working all this out for your glory because it seems impossible to believe.

Thank you for my disbelief and head-shaking no it can’t be real because how do I survive it?

Thank you for my sobs and smiles and sobs as I fingered and smelled and held and hugged Zach’s precious things as we began the process of packing his room and the knocking reality on my brain that he isn’t coming back and the open seeping wound in our lives that won’t go away.

Thank you for butterflies though I'm an Israelite whose manna isn’t enough.

Thank you for my doubts.

Thank you when I can’t find one word to say to you in prayer.

Thank you that so much in life I thought
was important is just stupid.

Thank you for a father-in-law who called as I stumbled
through this list and told me Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

And that made me think of some more good to be thankful for.

Thank you forever for Zachery who “is more alive now than any of us will ever be” until we meet him again on that beautiful shore.

Thank you that YOU know.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to

prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all

circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Amen.

Thank you MD if you read this for posting this song on FB. It spoke what my heart feels. I slowed down to listen and felt the blessing of butterflies.

http://youtu.be/w-F6DGGF4Qs