Our lives are on hold not knowing what to do with a house full of bad dreams and trauma and girls who squirm and sweat and panic at the thought of going home again. So, we pack in preparation for painters to come and carpet people to come and landscapers to come for who knows what ultimate purpose - to stay or to go?
MichaelandMarilynandAnneandStacyandRaeannandMimiandKenandI were all there today filling boxes. Uncovered from a pile was a "Zachery's Writings" notebook. I flipped it open to a random page. Now understand...this notebook contained papers written FOUR YEARS AGO...FOUR YEARS. FOUR WHOLE LONG YEARS AGO.
Four years ago in our IEW writing class, I taught a lesson on using the five senses, and to practice, we marched down to the baptismal fountain outside our classroom building to write about what we saw, heard, smelled, tasted, and felt.
Zach's four year old paper described the fountain, the sound of a train rushing by, and...
"THE BUTTERFLIES THAT WERE FLITTING AROUND THE FOUNTAIN..."
God KNEW. Even then, four years ago, HE was preparing the butterflies. HE KNEW. And I know.
In all the pain of a grief that has shattered our lives, there is light because God KNEW and knew I would need the butterflies and started getting them ready for me years ago. And even in my 40 year wandering of Israelite doubt as to are those butterflies really for me - he just keeps on sending that manna from heaven. Ahhhh - how the tapestry comes together thread by thread by thread moment by moment added up to days and years and eternity.
God used Zach to give me butterflies today. He is a good God.
I don't know when the next tidal wave of pain and tears will hit me - a moment or a day away, but I do know God, through Zach, from four years ago, gave me butterflies today. And that, for these moments, makes the pain a little easier to bear.
Zach gave me butterflies...
Zach gave me butterflies...
Thank you Zach for the butterflies today! You made us all stop and smile with tears in our eyes!
ReplyDeleteBeth, I have never met you. We have a mutual friend, Stacy. Our baby was stillborn two days before her birth. It has been a gut wrenching experience for our family. As I read your posts I empathize and relate...and cry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteOur Addy is in Heaven with your Zach, we know that. However, our pain is still very real. He will deliver us, I am convinced. It just doesn't always feel like it. He will prove His faithfulness.
We will include your family in our nightly prayers and ask God to continue to extend His mercy and grace to your household.
The Goodhues
AMAZING.....GOD OF MERCY AND GRACE....IN ALL OF THIS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE A BLESSING AND SHOWING OTHERS THE FINGERPRINTS OF GOD!! LOVE AND PRAYERS FROM THE GILLESPIE'S!
ReplyDeleteGod knew. God knows. I am so thankful that He shows us in the details and has prepared this road before us. We are not alone.
ReplyDeleteGod gave us frogs. :) And rainbows. And even though we are thousands of miles away, He still surprises me when I least expect it and when I most need it.
I pray for you often!