Butterfly Chronicles: Volume 13: Finding God's Normal

John 3:16

For God so loved the world, that He gave His uniquely born Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

15 weeks - 5 days before Christmas

Funny how grief’s roller coaster ride is a constant surprise of good then a slam of bad. It really does just plain suck, but I know God has a reason for all of this.

We are trying on this new normal. Right now, I can’t imagine it will ever fit like anything other than an irregular garment, not quite comfortable, pulling off center, never like a glove, underwear that keeps riding up. All the new normal "firsts" are like an off key symphony.

For years in our earliest days of homeschooling, we spent hours upon hours at the Houston Museum of Natural Science, walking through special and permanent exhibits, taking classes – animals, dissection, history - picnicking, riding the train around Herman Park, and finally stopping at the park’s playground where on Houston summer days we ran through the watery wonderland. We went there a lot.

Last week, a sweet friend brought dinner and tickets to the Cockrell Butterfly Center at HMNS, so we planned a trip to spend time with Madison while Taylor was with friends in Austin.

On the scheduled day, Michael and Madison were together so I was to meet them at the museum. Driving closer and closer to that building, I was filled with the memories of Taylor, Zachery, and Madison waltzing through the museum, smiles, giggles, hands held, the ooohhhs and aaahhhs of discovery. The flashback to those past days when the hole was filled with Zach hit hard as I realized how difficult this new normal first visit to the looming building would be, and my stomach and throat tightened, the memories now flowing faster, a threat to my next step, to any step.

For Madison’s sake, because she lives and we must go on with the hole present, we strolled into the butterfly exhibit lazily, leisurely like when our kids were so small their legs slowed life down to a pace where beauty moved like honey, and we lived unhurriedly and could still see the beauty without it racing by in a blur. We walked and we watched a sky full and a rain forest full of butterflies flutter and dip and dive and alight to sprinkle yellow eggs on green leaves or to sip nectar from God’s color palette.

Painful, searing, joyful, lovely. Trying to adapt to a mixture of opposites stirred together to make this ill fitting garment of the now normal fit, not like before normal, but new normal.

God is gracious – he gifted us three. Two are here, and we must take another step and another to not miss the joy of our Taylor and Madison as we learn to live with Zach in the Lord’s keeping.

I believe God sends these butterflies to give me something to talk and write about in a deep longing to tell anyone who will listen not to waste a moment with the ones loved.

Tell them you love them every moment through hugs and kisses and soothing words and band-aids and in words that train them up in the way they should go – God’s way. Laugh in the spilled milk moments – they will disappear like morning fog and be gone into grown-up.

The children - live to know that if they are taken home, they are eternally home, face to face with the Lord – in that forever place of no more sorrow, no more tears because the old things have passed away. Every day, remind them of the gift of Jesus Christ as their Savior, The Way, The Truth, and The Life – that faith alone in Christ alone is salvation. Give them God through Jesus Christ EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It brings great comfort. This knowing that Zachery is in heaven. It is the bright light in the midst of black longing for him back. God knew the number of his days. Like He did for Jonah, God could’ve sent a fish to that precious boy-man in those last moments. He didn’t. And although our hearts are broken, the wings of butterflies are serving to piece them back together into the just not quite right normal that we are learning now, but maybe a better normal in terms of who we become from this fire.

There would be no kind of normal if the Lord wasn’t carrying us on butterfly wings.

John 3:16 – Wings to home and God’s normal, and why we celebrate Christmas. May yours be full of God's goodness.