What is Grace

I've always understood grace to be everything God is free to do for us. But that's just a definition. On September 13, 2011, our son, Zachery, died. The gut-wrenching, searing, staggering, debilitating pain and grief that threatens to consume me is only stopped by grace. How odd that I thought I understood grace...

Grace is humbling, convicting, soul changing, and it comes in the form of so many faces, cards, letters, visits, gifts, meals, errands run, and comforting words. To say we don't earn or deserve God's infinite grace is just the unfathomable understatement of all time. But when it knocks on your door in the form of the hands and feet of the body of Christ, it is almost a weight too heavy to bear - because it is undeserved, yet so freely given. That's love. That's God. That's grace.

Friends who can't afford it, who are working a job at unGodly hours to make ends meet, who have brought meals and snacks and love and put my family above themselves - that's grace. I'm overwhelmed and trying so hard not to feel guilty for the outpouring of love and care and concern...because I don't deserve it anymore than I deserve Christ's death on the cross in my place. It's grace.

In the midst of the most horrific tragedy I never thought I'd ever face, God is growing me in understanding His grace. Words can never express the thanks and love I feel for those who have blessed us so far and who are already signed up to bless us in the future. Words can never express the love I have for God and His grace which means I didn't say goodbye to Zachery - just see ya later, my sweet boy.

My soul is raw as if I have been flayed alive. Yet, though He slay me, I will trust Him. In the crushing grief and tears that spring up without notice, I cling to His hand as he pulls me back from the edge of darkness and the enveloping reality that Zachery is gone - not lost because we know exactly where he is - just gone - home. And I am going boldy before His throne of grace to ask His rain of blessings on those who have so unselfishly blessed my family.

In all things give thanks. ALL things because His grace is sufficient. I've barked that and talked that and taught that and preached that for years. Now, I am faced with the rubber meeting the road...either I believe it...ALL of it...or I don't. Don't waste a minute; tomorrow may be completely different, and we may be completely changed. But, in the midst of whatever comes, His grace IS sufficient. With His arms to hold me up, I will walk the talk, I will not give up, and I will not allow Satan to steal my joy. Thank you God for your grace gift of Zachery Michael Sinclair and the precious 13 years he lighted our lives and for bringing Him into your arms where we will meet again for eternity.

Safe in Your arms; He is home. Pure, good, holy grace.