Butterfly Chronicles Volume 71: Hope Asked For...

"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."

Although I didn't ask for it in the way I should have, God gave me what I needed - hope - on Madison's birthday.  He's good, right!?!??!

 For the past week, I've been listening to Tony Evans and Beth Moore on "Light Source."  Trying to believe what I question that I believe, I listened to their teachings about pain, suffering, tragedy, and how God takes those events and makes them for His good and for ours.  It took 13 years from Joseph in the well to Joseph saving his family.  If we asked Joseph if the bad times were worth it for the result of the good times - he'd say yes - don't you think?  Over and over it says, "And God was with Joseph."  Tony Evans did a great job of helping me see through my grief that God knows, God goes before us, God does have our best always in mind - even when it appears to suck.

In the shower this morning, again I was wearing the heavy heart of guilt, rolling around and around all the things I did wrong or wish I could change or wish I had known before now.  I got out and put on Beth Moore - lesson 6 on affliction.

She went on and on about how guilt is the breeding ground for affliction, the opening for evil attack.  She then quoted from Hebrews 10:22-23

"...let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful..."

She also said that when our conscience is weak and way out of whack, we will be buffeted about by doubts and conflicted about our salvation.  Yes, she said she was conflicted about being saved when she let her past and her guilt bubble up in her soul. I am not alone in wondering if I am really saved.

Okay, okay, God...I'm listening.  You are faithful - even when I am not.  For the first time in 3 weeks, the cloud of deep, deep depression is lifted - and how gracious is God to give that to me on Madison's birthday.

I need hope.  He gives hope.  Be hopeful and hope-filled.  God knows the motivation of our hearts - even when we don't

Zach, someday I hope God will use this situation and what He is teaching me to bless someone else. I will never not hurt over your death, and someday, I will be able to celebrate all the things I did right - I am hopeful.  God is faithful.

Truly, truly, truly, "Without Jesus I Suck," so says my t-shirt. It is truly, truly, truly, true.  He is faithful, regardless of my hope or no hope.